On being a female geek (or does gender matter in the geek world?)

I’m a geek.* Everyone knows it and I’m not shy about it. However, I came to that realization later in life when compared to many of my geek peers (I was around age 22), but I think I’ve always been a geek. Also, this post brought to you by this interview with Kari Byron (Myth Busters!) and Mayim Bialik (The Big Bang Theory).**

My husband helped me find my geek colors. As we started to get to know each other in 2000 and got married in 2001, he introduced me to so many of his favorite geeky things. We started playing boardgames (Talisman!), card games (Magic the Gathering!), roleplaying games (DnD, Deadlands, and *so* many more!), and videogames (World of Warcraft!) together. He also introduced me to all of his friends, who shared common interests. We started getting together for gaming sessions, and ended up forming long-lasting friendships.

But, this post isn’t about my geek colors, specifically. It’s more about my experiences as a *female* geek. It’s an interesting perspective. My experience has been very confidence building. I quickly found that I was a minority to the male geek population. This made me special! Did I mention that I like feeling special? :-) I was also somewhat of a point of confusion for my male counterparts.

Male Geek: “Wait...you’re a girl. and you like Magic?! and DnD?!?”
Me: “Yes. you are very observant! I don’t play tournament Magic, because I don’t want to deal with banned cards. I prefer to play friendly games with my friends. I also prefer DnD 3rd edition, but 4rth is growing on me.”

After a few years, I found confidence in the fact that I knew my way around so many types of games. While each game has its own rules, if you’ve played one or two before, it’s easier to pick up and play a new game. So, when I can talk intelligently about (and even teach) my favorite games with other geeks, it makes me feel good! I also gain confidence that I can intelligently talk about the differing game mechanics between DnD and Deadlands, including the benefits to both and which type of gamer would prefer the differences (Deadlands tends to be much more about the role-playing; DnD tends to be more about combat and mechanics; but I digress.). I don’t know any RPGs in an in-depth way. I know just enough rules to be a player character. I let the Game Master (GM) tell me and guide me through the rest. Not knowing all of the rules also allows me to lean more on my creative role-playing skills. I tend to think, “could a half-elf *really* carry a two-handed axe? probably not. So, I’ll just grab this short bow and some arrows.” Generally, if you use common sense in your role-playing, the rules will follow suit.

Maybe my situation is unique: for a time, our gaming group was small and mostly male. They were so happy to have a girl that it’s almost like I was put on a pedestal. They treat me *very* well and take care of me. If we’re at a convention (our favorite annual trip is GenCon Indianapolis), all I have to do is say “gee, I’m kinda thirsty” and one of my friends will find me a drink. Don’t get me wrong, I get my fair share of harassment, but I like to think it’s because they like me. I also like to think that we’ve developed a mutual sense of respect. I consider all of my gaming groups (which are now geographically dispersed) to be very good friends.

So, “being a geek” seems to be becoming more popular and mainstream, especially as shows such as Big Bang Theory, Eureka, and more become increasingly popular. I am so very happy that being a geek is becoming more acceptable in our society. I hope that continues and that our daughter feels comfortable to like what she likes and not worry about what other people think. I also think that you don’t have to be into Sci-Fi, games, or comics to be a geek. You could be a geek about tractors, landscaping, or even golf. I think everyone has an inner geek and I encourage everyone to embrace that inner geek and ENJOY!!

*Yes, I prefer the term geek. I won’t correct you if you call me a nerd, but, to me, the term geek is more applicable.

**I love that partway through the interview, Bryon asks Bialik a question, taking over the reporter’s job. It also tells me that the encounter was very much a conversation and not just an interview.